Transcript: 201- Father Bill W- Part 1

Updated: Nov 6, 2021



201- Father Bill W- Part 1

 


Father Bill W 00:00

I was either gonna go to Australia and just stay drunk for the rest of my life. Or I was going to go to India and get really holy. You know, join an ashram. Those are my choices. And I heard a voice in my head that spoke to me and it said, Bill, you are 27 if those are your choices, there's something wrong with you.




John M 00:30

Well, hello, friends of Bill Wu and other friends you have landed on sober speak. My name is John M. I am an alcoholic. And we are glad you're all here, especially newcomers, newcomers that is both to recovery as a whole, and newcomers to this podcast. sober speak is a podcast about recovery centered around the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. My job here on sober speak is simple. My job is to provide a platform to the amazing stories of recovery all around us. Consider sober speak, if you will, your meeting between meetings. Please remember, we do not speak for a or any 12 step community. We represent only ourselves. We're here to share our experience, strength and hope with those who wish to come along for the ride. Take what you want, and leave the rest at the curb for the trash man to pick up. Hello, my lords ello my ladies that was v voice of father bill w that you heard at the beginning of this episode and you are going to be hearing so much more from him in just a minute. On this here, Episode Number 201 dose 00 No. But first things first. This episode is brought to buy sponsored by if you will rich and Jennifer Trudy and Katyn Gerhart and David, let me fill you in on what these bond folks did. They went to our websites sober speak.com they clicked on the little yeller donate tab and they made a contribution. Thank you so much rich, and Jennifer and Trudy and Kate, and Gerhard, and David for helping us keep on the virtual lights. This episode is coming right out to you. I, john M A just another bozo on the proverbial bus will be the chairperson for this meeting between meetings. I was struggling for a word there. So what do I want to call this bus? nonetheless, we'll be the chairperson for this meeting between meetings. And guess what? I am truly honored and privileged to serve all of you listening in. So take a seat, if you will, around this virtual table and let's get spun up today. Remember, no matter who you are, or what your past looks like, you're welcome here. It's an Open Table. And we're glad you have joined us. Alright, so let's talk about father. this gentleman's name. Yes. Is bill W. Can you believe it? Father, Bill, W i couldn't even believe it when I first heard about it, by the way. Oh, let me go ahead and tell you. Why rent Oh, I think we actually talked about it on the beginning of this episode. But a listener wrote in her name is Crystal. And she said you got to have this guy on the pod. And he actually has his own podcast. So I was able to go out there and listen to him and I got in touch with him. And fortunately, he agreed to be on my podcast father bill who is the purveyor is that a word yet purveyor of www dot two way prayer dot Oregon use spell out to Tw O. And I highly recommend you check out his website and his podcast he is I just love to spend time with him. And I'll remember hopefully, I will remember sometimes I forget after I say these things to put that particular link in the show notes for this particular episode. For those of you who look at that, nonetheless,


John M 04:50

Father bill has father bill who has been sober since December 29 of 19. 72 that is 48 years for those of you trying to calculate that in your little brain there. That's a long time. We discussed father Bill's pilgrimage VA hitch hiking to Detroit, Michigan, or from Detroit, Michigan to La Jolla, California. We spoke about the wall father bill hit at 20 years sober and how he navigated that we're talking about the story of the five M's and the Oxford group father bill is a noted expert, I guess is what you would call it on the Oxford group. So it's just a taste of what we cover here during our episode. So sit back and enjoy. And we will have plenty Oh, listener feedback at the end of this app. Enjoy. Hello, Mr. Bill W and that is father, Ville W. So first of all, why don't you go ahead, introduce yourself, give you sobriety date, if you wish to go ahead and tell people where you live in this great land of ours.


Father Bill W 06:18

Well, my sobriety date john is 1227 of 72. And I am in Buda, Texas, just south of Austin.


John M 06:29

Buda. Yes, brda. I, you just drove through Buda recently on a trip a little vacation that we were having there. Right?


Father Bill W 06:39

Cool. Oh, nice little town. We just been here about two years moved from Round Rock north of Austin. So it's which side of the traffic Do you want to be on here?


John M 06:50

And so you say we is that you and your bride?


Father Bill W 06:53

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And we have a daughter down here in the South Austin. And she wasn't coming to visit us that much because of the traffic. So it was it was move or say goodbye to the grandkids.


John M 07:07

I completely get it. And how long have y'all been married? Let's see about 47 years. Wow, that is great. So help me with the math. You've been sober since 1972. How many years? Is that? So 4848 years? Wow. Do you run across many people were 48 years?


Father Bill W 07:30

Well, I run across them with 50. And I'm jealous, you know. So. Some defects have not been removed, john?


John M 07:42

Oh, that's great. So, okay, so Well, first, let me talk about your name right off the bat. You are father, Bill W. So when you introduce yourself at meetings, do you put the father in front of it? Do you just say build he's a bill W.


Father Bill W 08:01

When I'm at meetings? It's just bill? If I'm speaking on, you know, it depends on how they've announced it. I go either way. Gotcha.


John M 08:13

Yeah. But it has been I'm sure an interesting ride a lot of questions along the way about being billed via in Alcoholics Anonymous.


Father Bill W 08:21

I didn't have a chance. I'm from New York. I mean, there are a number of similarities there. So yeah, it's a it's God's God's sense of humor, I suppose.


John M 08:37

Well, let me tell people how we came about each other. We are we, we we came across each other, I should say, I had a listener of mine, right in to the podcast, her name is Crystal. I believe she's up from the Midwest, I think it's the Wisconsin area, if I'm not mistaken. And she wrote in. And she suggested you as a guest that I had not heard of you before. If she says he has a podcast, and that always makes it easier for me to, you know, kind of go out and find somebody who's worked, so to speak and see if they're, you know, impossibly fit for what we do here on cyber speak. And I went out there and listen to your podcast. And immediately I was just smitten, if you will, with your work and what you're doing. And I reached out to you and said, you know, would you feel comfortable doing this and we went back and forth and I actually had to cancel on you once because I think I was traveling for some reason. I don't remember what it was. But we finally got together here. And I'm so happy to be here with you. I am as well. Alright, so let's go ahead. And okay, so there's a couple things I want to do whether you're a little bit different than most guests I have on in that. Yeah, and I mean that in a good way as well. They're


10:01

in that I'm usually


John M 10:02

just concentrating on people's stories. And we're kind of digging into that story. And you know, seeing where they came from. They're sharing their experience, strength and hope within Alcoholics Anonymous, or al anon or something like that. In this particular case, I want to go into your story. But I also want to talk about your passions. And I want to talk about your podcast, and I want to talk about the website that you have. So let's go ahead with your story first, as we, you know, how do you sum up 48 years in a few minutes, and even before that, in refers and how you got to Alcoholics Anonymous, but obviously, you have the title, Father, in front of your name. So why don't you go back and just kind of give us a thumbnail sketch of, you know, where you came from how you got here, and your journey in Alcoholics Anonymous. Sounds good?


Father Bill W 10:55

Yeah, I'm from New York City, originally come from a long line of alcoholics. Every single male member of my family was alcoholic, half of the women. So I think the sensitivity their physical, was very strong. I had my first drink. Guess I was around and just


John M 11:20

real quick thought out. Did you realize that when you're growing up that they were alcoholic, or that it takes them? Well? Okay,


Father Bill W 11:26

what? Well, there was a lot of pain. There was a lot of hatred towards drinking. Yeah, so I didn't know the words, but I knew something was wrong. And, and I didn't like it. I did not like when my father drank. Because I knew trouble was coming. And the same was true for many of the men and my family. So I was I was leery of it. But I thought I could outsmart it, you know, wasn't going to affect me that way. Hmm. But it did. It grabbed ahold of me pretty quickly, actually. I think, you know, I would call myself a problem drinker. Right from the beginning. You know, I had a friend who cared about me as about 16. He said, Bill, they're people who shouldn't drink. And then there are people who shouldn't even think about drinking. And then there's you because I had a real personality change. When I drank and I did some crazy things.


John M 12:41

Did so imagine that? Imagine that. Yeah. So so you you kind of had some So you knew as you're growing up that they there was a proclivity, if you will toward alcoholism within you because of your family history, but you thought you could outsmart it and started throwing it around with it


Father Bill W 13:04

as my It was my best friend. So I wasn't going to let go of it. But But problems came along. And I quickly began what what I, you know, the the geographical cure. With my alcoholism, it took me literally all around the world. So I would go places, and I would do the job as it had never been done before. So the grandiosity and the ego stuff was there. But then in time, the drinking would catch up with me. So I began a pattern of six months, eight months in a in a position or such, the alcohol would catch up, and then I'd run. And I was in the piece. I did good things. I was always a good deed door.


Father Bill W 14:07

And,


Father Bill W 14:09

and, and so I mean, I worked. It was in the Peace Corps. I taught history in New York City. I worked on a kibbutz in Israel.


John M 14:18

What's a cupboard thumb? Sorry,


Father Bill W 14:19

a kibbutz is a communal living. Farm, that it's sort of utopia. I was looking for utopia. And


John M 14:33

so is it like one of those police places where everybody kind of gets together and combines their resources and lives? Yeah, yes. Yes. It talks about that in the Bible. And


Father Bill W 14:45

well, yeah. I mean, I wasn't Jewish, of course. But it attracted me. And so I went and I it was an opportunity to study Hebrew for six months. And work on a farm half the half the day. And but I drank there,


John M 15:08

you know. But before we leave that though, I just wanted your your experience looking back on a kibbutz many years later now and was it a positive one or neutral? Negative?


Father Bill W 15:19

I don't I don't regret any of the trips I took. No, it was it was it was wonderful.


John M 15:26

Would you recommend a kibbutz to somebody who's seeking that sort of lifestyle?


Father Bill W 15:30

No, I probably wouldn't. I went back and visited the kibbutz I was back in Israel, with a friend went over there, I guess about seven years ago now. And I made it a point to go and travel to the kibbutz. It didn't fare very well. It was right on the Lebanese border. We were getting bombed. Quite often. It was dangerous. Back in those days, it was you know, without the war was in 67. It was it was soon after that. It was risky. You know, I think there's a suicidal element to this illness. And that was probably operating at some level. You know? So would I recommend it? Yeah. Well, I would recommend it. It's a fascinating experience and, and an amazing country. And I'm the last time I went back, it was kind of on the Palestinian side. So first time was the Israeli side. Second time was in East Jerusalem at a an Anglican college over there. Where there were Christians. Anyway, anyway. Yeah, yeah. I love travel.


John M 16:56

I love it. So I kind of got you off course you were talking about so but the drinking kind of came in to do it always


Father Bill W 17:03

follow me would always follow me. I worked at the Catholic Worker facility in Milwaukee. I wound up in a Jesuit Seminary in Detroit. I was going to become a Catholic priest.


John M 17:23

How old were you at this time?


Father Bill W 17:25

I was 25 when I entered. And I was looking for a place where I could drink and look good. And, and basically not do life. look like I'm doing life,


John M 17:42

but not to life. And by you say looking good. Does that mean that you have the collar on?


Father Bill W 17:49

Well, I mean, that was one element. I mean, being a teacher looks good. All the things I did looked good. You know, I was always kind of driven towards doing good things. The collar I usually I you know, I probably wear it if I was getting arrested or something. picketing, so I was I was I was not sort of drawn to look at me. I'm a priest kind of thing that that never interested me.


John M 18:27

Is that usually wanted to look responsible, though, in some form or fashion.


Father Bill W 18:31

Oh, sure. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not an alcoholic, like the rest of those people. That's right.


John M 18:37

Okay. So you're in Detroit.


Father Bill W 18:40

I'm in Detroit. And I'm older than most of the guys in the seminary. So they did nice, holy, catholic things. And I kind of did weird things. I was always attracted to the weirdness. So I wound up volunteering at an Alcohol and Drug Treatment Center in downtown Detroit. It was 187 alcoholic men living in an abandoned schoolhouse. And there was some fabulous stuff going on there. And, and I volunteered there, and they requested that as part of the process, I go through treatment on an outpatient basis. So I did and did group therapy and, and then started learning about addiction. So you'd asked me earlier Did you know where the I didn't know the labels I didn't understand what the illness was really all about. It just knew I I hated drunkenness. That got violent. I did not I did not get violent. But I learned what it was. And so there's my father. There's my grandfather. My uncles, I can identify those and they're saying, what about you? What about you? And I'm saying, No, no, no, no, I can handle it, I can handle it. Well, I couldn't handle it. And I showed that long story short, I started going to meetings, I caved in a little bit. And I got it intellectually that I was an alcoholic. And what went from you remember your first meeting and what it was like? It's kind of terrifying. You know, down in the basement, I felt like I was going to a meeting of the Communist Party. It's like, we will meet at such and such a restaurant and change cars. And we'll take you there and, okay, do you know do I wear a trench coat? Or what? What's the signal?


John M 20:57

We're always in the basements aren't


Father Bill W 20:58

always in the basements, right? Especially in Detroit, they're big on basements. So did that. And then I went out. The psychological part really started to interest me. So I went out that summer, one summer and I studied under Carl Rogers, pretty famous psychologist in California. And I hitchhiked I made a pilgrimage of the of the event. So I hitchhiked from Detroit out to La Jolla in California.


John M 21:33

Wow, it's a long trek.


Father Bill W 21:35

Yeah. And I and I took no money with me no money, not Not a penny. But I had a letter from my superior saying bill is a Jesuit novice. And if you could help him, that'd be great. And I would stay at monasteries along the way. And, and then, unfortunately, a guy picks me up in Arizona. And he's got a six pack of beer. And he says, Do you want to drink? And, you know, just like Wilson on Staten Island? I said, Well, sure. Sure, sure, I'll have a drink. And it was it was like, aa had never happened. And so I drank for another year and a half or so. But now I was drinking underground. So I didn't want people knowing because I'd already admitted that I had a problem. So now I'm sneaking it wound up in Cleveland at Case Western Reserve University, I'm supposed to be helping the chaplain down there, and I am stealing gallons and gallons of wine, and bringing them back to my room and getting very drunk and in trouble. And the stuff was really about to hit the fan. Again, you know, it had caught up with me. And that was my bottom I I was going to run, I was going to leave the Jesuits. And, and I was either going to go to Australia, and just stay drunk for the rest of my life. Or I was going to go to India and get really holy, you know, join an ashram. Those are my choices. And I heard a voice in my head that spoke to me. And it said, Bill, you are 27. If those are your choices, there's something wrong with you. And that was my bottom that was devastating. I didn't understand it at the time. But it was the crack of my ego. It came apart. And if I went to India, I was screwed. And if I went to Australia, I was screwed. Because there was something wrong with me. And I needed to get that fixed. I didn't know what it was, I went back to a therapist that I had worked with at that treatment center. And he had we had a conversation and he said, Bill, you're 27 you're not at a physical bottom. You can probably drink for 10 more years. But you are at a spiritual bottom. And you ain't gonna make 10 years. And I knew he was right. I know, I know. And he said, here's what I want you to do. I want you to go and I want you to live on Skid Row for one year. I want you to check into the Salvation Army. And, and I want you to look every alcoholic and addict that you meet in the eye and say there but for the grace of God goes I identify, in other words, he says if you can identify, then you don't have to you don't have to drink your way down. But you got to get down. So you got to get to that point. There's only one point and it doesn't matter that much how we get there. But we have to get there. No For for the thing to really be effective. Three days earlier, I wouldn't have done it three days later, I wouldn't have done it that day. I was willing. And so I went, I got a leave of absence from the Jesuits. Which was kind of unheard of, but they really liked me, you know, you take them, you know, we don't know what the hell to do with them. So I, I went and I checked into Salvation Army and I worked spot labor jobs for a year while I was there for six months, and then I went to a kind of an AA halfway house. I did a year I did, I did my year. And then that treatment center hired me, they figured I was serious at that point, and had met my wife to be at that time, I should have met her the first time, she wouldn't have anything to do with me, since when I was still drinking. So anyway, after after a year, I, I began a counselor training program at that facility and worked in the field for 40 some odd years. As as a counselor, Family Therapist kind of worked my way up the up the ladder, and, and got married had three kids.


Father Bill W 26:19

And


Father Bill W 26:22

and then my story says, problem when you got almost 50 years, your story gets kind of long. But it has two parts to it, john. And the second part started at 20 years sober when I hit a wall. And it was like, another 90 meetings in 90 days wasn't gonna fix what was wrong with me. And another trip through the 12 steps, was not going to fix what was wrong with me. Right, so I was kind of hitting a second bottom.


John M 26:57

Let me take a little break. And we'll go there. And we will be continuing our conversation with Father bill in just a moment. Just a reminder, you are listening to sober speak, you can find us on the worldwide web at www dot cyber speak comm You can also find the donate button on our website, which you can use if and only if the spirit moves you to do such. Please keep in mind this is a podcast funded by you, the listener so to speak is a self supporting organization through our own contributions. We are not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution. We do not wish to engage in any controversy neither endorses nor opposes any causes. All right now back to father bill. Alright, so this is a subject near and dear to my heart. Because I have been sober for quite a long time myself. And I have been up to these places where I go, oh, my goodness, I'm going to a lot of meetings. I'm working this steps. I'm working with others. I'm doing everything that that is suggested, so to speak by the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I'm still running up against a wall. So you're 20 years sober. Yeah, you're up against this wall. Take me from there.


Father Bill W 28:08

Yeah. And I, I was out in West Texas. And I went out to dinner with the it was a unity minister in a and and I told him what was going on with me.


John M 28:26

And just so I know, that's from the Unity Church. Is


Father Bill W 28:30

that correct? Yeah. Yeah, I think I was doing Course in Miracles and things of that nature of that point. I think there was a meeting of that meeting at his church. I think that's how we made the connection.


John M 28:44

And what city were you in at the time?


Father Bill W 28:47

It was a I think it was Lubbock or Amarillo. I can't recall. Okay. Isn't Texas though. Okay. Oh, yeah, it was Yeah, it was kind of West Texas thing. And he asked me if I heard the story of the five M's, which was the story of spiritual institutions. And that story changed my life. Because I want once I heard it, I recognized that I was looking in a, for an institution or an organization to bring about a change that it could only point me towards, but could not provide. So the story very quickly is there's a man the man could be Jesus Buddha, Bill Wilson, the man has a spiritual experience. And as a result of that, he has he has an encounter with God. And he comes back with the second M which is the message and the core of the message is who you are and how who you are as who you thought you were. Never is you're connected to God, you know, Jesus in in the Jordan, this is my son, this is the beloved. It's Paul on the road to Damascus, it's Buddha sitting under the Bodhi tree. It's Moses on the mountaintop, it's an encounter, comes back with the message. And then it becomes a program of attraction, a movement, the third M. So the man the message, the movement and the movement of the early people who are attracted to that message, because they're looking for the same thing themselves. And it's an exciting time. But then the fourth M is when you organize, and you bring in the attorneys, and the secretaries. And we write down the rules and the regulations, who's in who's out who's in charge and who's not. And that's the machine. The mechanization, I tell the joke, you know, you know, in the church, it's, it's, I get to wear the pointy hat and be the bishop, and I carry a big stick, and I knock you on the head, if you step out of line. In a it's the central office, you know, and you now you now should be reading literature that we approve, you know, God don't venture beyond that. A God sakes, you know, if it doesn't have the stamp on it, run like hell, no. And, and it's all about control. It's all about control. And it's all it becomes about the mechanical delivery of the transformational process. And it doesn't work. It doesn't work, you see, I mean, I tell the joke, 200 years from now, we're in a conference. And, and, and, mechanically, someone will hold up the sacred coffee pot, that Dr. Bob and Bill Wilson drank from, you know, and we'll all kneel down at the coffee pot, and we'll have the ashes of the first 100 you know, their cigarette ashes. Yeah. And, and you make the sign of the cross on your forehead. And that will get you sober. You know, it'll become magic, you know, magic instead of mystery, and then it's the fifth M is the mausoleum because it's dead. So I asked people, if you've been to a dead a meeting, have you been in a dead church? And every time I asked that, they say, Yes, yeah. Yes. So that story in, it did more than intrigue me. I mean, it helped me understand spiritual institutions that had been a part of within I was looking for something for them to give me, which they really couldn't give me, you understand that, you know, then have it, you have to have it inside of you. And you have to bring it there. It's very difficult to get it from them without without undergoing the transformation yourself, you know, going undergoing the five m journey yourself. So it was right after that, that I met a man in Oklahoma City, who was an AIA archivist. And I kind of told him my story.


Father Bill W 33:37

Looking for something deeper, and he was really interested in in the Oxford group in the history of AI. And I spent three hours with him one night, and that that really changed my life that that story. And then meeting Earl husband was his name. I heard the steps in a different language. I heard I heard the what they were doing in the Oxford group. And what Bill Wilson was doing with Dr. Bob was doing what the first 100 people were doing. Before there were any steps. The Big Book says these are the steps we took. That's not true. There were no steps. Bill Wilson just wrote those things down in Ohio, they did not have steps, but they did have a transformational process. And, and, and I I heard it differently, john. And that was that was the thing that really began to open me up and excite me again. I was excited you know as first in a I was excited, but I lost it. And and and what I found the second time was the focus on prayer and meditation. Right Rather than the focus on meetings and, and, and the emphasis of guidance, versus we'll do what your sponsor tells you to do. You know, it was a whole different take on a very similar process. And I left there with a stack of Oxford group books that Earl gave to me. I started studying them. I quickly came upon this thing called two way prayer that they were doing that we call the 11 step, but we hit it. It was it was in there but vague and disguised, you know, and, and Wilson said, he said, he said he thought he lost something when they moved away from that. And Dr. Bob, continued practicing it. So I think I came across the original program, and then started working it with a real focus on prayer and meditation. That was different.


John M 36:12

Father Bill's Oh, yeah, this is absolutely fascinating to me. Now, here's what I run across with folks like you on a consistent basis that have really good detailed information. And I want to talk about it a little bit more is that I'm concerned that we're going to run out of time. So Will you do me a favor? So I want to come back at some other point and talk about the two way prayer, the Oxford group, this transformation that you had during the the 20 year plus year sobriety that you had at the time? And I want to flesh that out a little bit more? Would you be good coming back with me and sharing about that as some other point? Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. Okay, so, Father bill, what I usually do is I go ahead and read from page 164, the big book to kind of close out, we'll go ahead and close it out. Now we'll schedule some time to get back together. And we'll come back and we'll talk about this a little bit more. On page 164. It says a banner yourself to God as you understand God, excuse me, immense your faults to Him and do your fellows. clear away the wreckage of your past. give freely of what you find. Join us. We shall be with you in the fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us like me. And Father bill, as you trudge the road of happy destiny. May God bless you, and keep you Until then, Father bill, I look forward to talking to you again sometime very soon. Okay. Sounds great, john. Thank you. Bye, bye. Father, Bill. W. Thank you one more time, for your insight and your wisdom. And we will look forward to having you back on a second episode. Next week, everybody, so set your clocks. I guess that's what you do. Maybe you set notifications or something like that, for when the new episodes come out. You probably don't set your clocks, but it sounded good. I think that's what they used to say on TV or something like that. Nonetheless, on to a little bit of a listener feedback, Tony D writes in and when I think of Tony D, I think of a couple things. Number one, we've had a Tony de who was a friend of mine on the pod cast before, but I also think about Tony D for those of you who are who are Dallas Cowboy fans, but even if you aren't a Dallas Cowboy fan, you would probably remember Tony doorset. But I digress. This is neither one of those guys, Tony D writes in he says, Hi, john. I don't always get to hear your podcast as a single unit. Just due to a head hectic every day, which by the grace of God, I can now control. But the snippet you put out about daini be in Episode 199 on Instagram, in quotes, he left me a little bit broken because I am a prideful person. By the way, I want to go ahead and mention here that the lovely Miss casandra actually puts out those various snippets in those audio grams or whatever that you call it on. Instagram, I can't remember the name of the app. But I want to say thank you Cassandra for putting those out there. People actually are looking at him and listening to him.


John M 39:50

But anyway, Tony goes on. He says that is probably the truest and deepest sentence I have ever heard. From another fellow. So let me go ahead and read that again what he's referencing it says, He, this is what Danny B said he left me a little bit broken, because I am a prideful person. And then Tony goes on, I didn't get the true spiritual awakening before almost five years of sobriety had passed. A lot of things that happened in my daily life, I was suffering from chronic migraines. I thought my marriage was broken. In fact, my wife has codependency issues, which I am gradually working on with her. Then the pandemic and my mother Pat than the pandemic and my mother passed away. In parentheses. I live in Norway and my folks were in Scotland, and I am the only child on parentheses. So perhaps, or close parentheses, I guess that's the proper term. So perhaps I truly search and then maybe it was there. One thing is very, very certain. However, my higher power God was carrying me. He never wants Let me drink, drink. God maintain my sobriety. He got me good treatment for my migraines. He allows me to FaceTime with my dad every day, something which gives us hope, but yes, I feel a little broken. Keeping it in the eye. I don't know if it's relevant for all fellows, but I sure see it in me. But I have more serenity in my life than I ever have. Thanks for what you do. Best regards slash vanlig Hilson, I am assuming that is nor vague language for Best regards, Tony D. So Ben leg Hilson. Right back at you, Tony D. And thank you for writing in I appreciate it. JOHN dmws me on the i G and he says John M. I absolutely love your podcast. I listened to it almost every day digging through old episodes and always waiting for the next one. So many incredible guests. I've been sober now for a little over seven months. But I've been listening for a couple of years, your services invaluable to me and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. God bless you with john. God bless you. And thank you for contacting me. I appreciate it. By the way, for those of you who do want to contact me, especially if you have something to say about some of the speakers that we've had on I always love to get comments about either various speakers and what they've meant to you. I'm a john j o h n at sober speak.com. James writes in and he says My name is john. My name is James H. I live in Memphis, Tennessee. Thank you so much for your podcasts about two years ago, I went to my first a meeting. It helped me for a while but after a month or two I stopped going. I convinced myself that I didn't need it. Recently, I've been attending a men's recovery group not associated with a the group helped me. But me the group help me become more open to the idea of a higher power. Not long after joining that group, I discovered your podcast. I listened every day while I'm at work and it's had a huge impact on me. I was listening to Rino John's episode about miracles yesterday and it finally clicked for me. I joined the super secret Facebook group and asked for recommendations for a zoom meeting. Last night I did my first zoom meeting and I came back to a amazingly one of the speakers that's been on your podcast just happened to be in the meeting. I was blown away. And I knew I was where I was supposed to be. Within 24 hours. I had decided to come back found a meeting and now I have a temporary sponsor once again. Thank you so much for all you do. God bless you. Well, God bless you, James. Man, that is a great story. Thank


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you so much for sharing all of that and be well up there in Memphis, Tennessee. Lucas dmws on the old i g Lucas says hi, john, thank you so much for the podcast. I like so many others listen to your podcast and it has been a valuable resource for me. I live in Estonia. I'm originally from England and I'm in a fairly remote area the only physical need near me is in is in Estonian isn't Estonia, I guess. Great guys. But communication is limited. Hello, Lucas. My goodness. That is I can't even you know, so many of us are so lucky to live so near so many meetings and, and God bless you looks My heart goes out to you. And I think it's great that you, you keep on keeping on. And he says between zoom meetings, your podcast, my sponsor and my higher power and I have managed for months now. Thanks again. Well, God bless you, Lucas, congratulations on your four months and that's absolutely fantastic to hear. give our best to all your fellow is Estonians who would be interested in hearing our best my best whatever the case may be. Paul s writes in he says john, I been sober since June of 1989. I stopped going to meetings after three years because I because I could not find a sponsor. Is it common for people to have issues like this to me meetings that may have been open, but not very friendly. So I read this, I wrote back to Paul, and I said hey, you know, maybe you can join the Facebook group, the secret Facebook group, you know, ask them questions like that. And there I just said, you know, this has not been my experience but I recognize that everyone has a different experience than a and and I and I respect your experience. Right? And I hope though that you somehow some way find a better experience within the rooms have a at some point. Larry writes and he says, Hey, John, M. I am a newcomer in a on day to day two. Oh, Larry, gotta love you my friend. He says I am currently living in Mexico since I was hired overseas. I found sober speak because I'm attending to 24 seven meetings and one is called a homegroup.org. If anybody wants find that they can, and the other is a 24. Seven, a international meeting. Anyway says I am Bo I am both with them in Facebook. I guess the name of sober speak was mentioned in one of them by the by one of the members and I felt interested about finding your podcast. Well, I'm glad those members mentioned as Mr. Larry, he says I desperately needed some help. All sources from the fellowship are never enough. I already have a sponsor who is helping me work through the Recovery Program of AIA. I am currently reading the doctor's opinion. I would really like to know how this group works. Thanks. Oh, thanks, John M he said and as Larry so I when he says I want to know how this group works what he meant was the secret Facebook or by the way just in case you're new to this podcast, you go to the the application of the Facebook and you search see sober speak secret Facebook group and and it should pop up and you can ask to be admitted in there. And I just told him just to kind of spend some time in there kind of digging around. You'll see there's a bunch of like minded people just like you some people ask questions, some just lurk a little some like the post things. I'm not much of a poster myself day that you read. I just kind of I learn every once in a while pretty much what I do but anyway Larry, thanks for writing them. Kate writes in is Kate me by the way, as she says john, I'm a little over 90 days. Your podcast is the quote. I want to have what they have in Oh unquote, I want to have what they have unquote, inspiration that I need to get through my day. I work from home. I stop and I start your podcast throughout my day emptying the dishwasher putting on my makeup etc. It's perfect. You know I listened to when I put


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on my makeup to Miss Kate Just kidding. Nonetheless. Thank you so much Kate for for writing in and I'm glad that we can be the I want to have what they have inspiration for you. It is the same for me Kate a lot of these people I bring on and I think I want to have what they have. I completely get it. We ladies and gents have made it through. Oh no moss, we Samana Oh no. Mass sumana one more week of the sober speak. As always, I'm taking this one week at a time keep coming back. It works if you work it God bless all of you. Love you. Hope to see you soon. Bye bye


SUMMARY KEYWORDS

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